When Panic ATTACKS

When I was in college, my mother took me to the emergency room for strange chest pains and difficulty breathing. I don't remember the trip or the treatment, but what I do remember is that when I relayed the story to my friend who was studying medicine at the time, she looked at me strangely and said, "Nicole... they treated you like you were having a panic attack." It was a strange bit of information; I hadn't felt any more stressed than usual, I didn't feel panicked at all, the one thing I had been worried about was the chest pains. My friend and I chalked it up to shoddy treatment at our local hospital.

If only I had listened to my body's first screams for help.

Those symptoms didn't return, but more severe ones did. According to medical professionals, both of my chronic conditions have no known cause, but are equally aggravated by stress. In the years leading up to my diagnoses I experienced some of the most stressful times of my life. I was not surprised when I found myself admitted to the hospital in June 2009; I knew there was only so much my body could withstand.

In the years since being out of work I have attempted to do everything in my power to avoid stressors. However, in the last couple of months, that act, in and of itself has proved to be one of the greatest stressors I contend with. You see, as a living breathing human being, avoiding stress is impossible. The only course of action is to deal with it.

Now that this ostrich is slowly raising her head from the ground, I'm coming to realize that this is a skill I may have forgotten. The result: Last Thursday I experienced the beginnings of another panic attack. I told my husband what I was feeling and talked through why I thought it was happening. We took the day very slowly. We're currently living through that terrifying part of life that older couples look back on and say, "Lord only knows how we survived," while laughing with the grand kids who don't believe life will ever be so difficult for them and who swear that their grandparents are exaggerating just to ensure they appreciate all that they have.

Friday we went to the beach with the family. This was a great escape from my norm with ups and downs of its own. Up: hanging out with a two year old who just wanted to play with sand and watch some Sesame Street on my iPhone. Down: not feeling confident enough to go in the water or walk alone back to our blanket because of my lack of vision. On the weekend, I was distracted by San Diego ComicCon news, which I welcomed, watched and wrote about, using it as a fantastical get away from my norm. And then my brother, another welcomed distraction, came to stay over on Monday.

Yesterday, the panic welled again.

I'm going to get through this. I've gotten through so much worse than what I'm dealing with now. I just have to remember to be strong, but also be forgiving of myself. Feeling stress is normal, avoiding it is not... I must deal.

In the meantime, I think it probably goes without saying that this has greatly affected my writing output, even though I am involved in the fabulous Fast Draft workshop! Here's the rundown of pages written since last week's update:

Day 6 (Thurs): 0 pages

Day 7 (Fri): 0 pages

Day 8 (Sat): 6 pages

Day 9 (Sun); 0 pages

Day 10 (Mon): 0 pages

Day 11 (Tues): 0 pages

Day 12 (today, so far...): 10 pages

Any words I did spill forth in this time, fell onto the pages of the Word of the Nerd website in the form of these three articles:

Why Is The Iron Man 3 Suit So Gold? 

Whedon Talks Dr. Horrible on CW and Sequel News 

&

Review: Breaking Bad "Live Free or Die" (S. 5 Ep. 1) 

So, for my weekly check in, I didn't do so hot, but I'm not going to PANIC about it. In fact, I think I'll just follow this rule of thumb:

Writing Challenge - FastDraft + ROW80

Round 3 is ON!

 A Round of Words in 80 Days started Round 3 this past week. In July 2nd's blog post announcing the beginning of the new round Kait Nolan challenged all of us ROWers to "Be an Action Verb." When I read the post, I felt its word reach out and grab me by the neck:

...saying that you are a writer is a static thing.  It’s a noun.  A descriptive term.
And it’s a term you need to earn.  Repeatedly.  Because you can’t call yourself a writer and mean it if you’re not actually writing on a regular basis.   You aren’t really a writer if you just wrote something that one time and then never touched it again. [...]
No.  You’re better than that.  You have more than one idea, recognize that you need to work on your craft, and that you actually have to KEEP WRITING.
WRITING.  That’s the clincher.  The VERB.  The ACTION verb that indicates something is HAPPENING on a continual basis.

I read the post over and over again. I had been editing my first draft of Dear 302 for a six months, but felt like I was getting nowhere. I hadn't started a new project because I wanted to give my first my full attention. I hadn't been keeping up with writing short stories either. Awash in shame, one question stung as it queried, Was I becoming just a noun?

On that same day I received an e-mail from Tui Cameron from StoryDam inviting me and Morgan Dragonwillow (other StoryDam-er) to join her in a writing workshop beginning on July 7th. It was Candace Haven's Fast Draft. I hadn't heard of it, but Tui had been to Candace's lecture at the DFW Writer's Conference and she was inspired. According to the workshop description we would have to write every single day for two weeks straight in order to complete a first draft in that time. I thought, if nothing else, it had writing action written all over it.

The question in the back of my mind: Am I ready for ACTION?

The answer I finally came up with: JUST DO IT!

So I'm in. I spent the rest of the week plotting and planning. On July 2nd I had no plans for a second novel, by July 5th I was feverishly researching and plotting my first ever SciFi YA novel. I can't believe it. On Saturday I woke up at 7am to ensure that I reached my FastDraft writing goal before my day got in the way. I wrote 23 pages, exceeding my daily goal of 20 pages.

In other good news, I sent out my first three edited chapters of Dear 302 to two volunteer beta readers on Saturday night! (eep!)

In short, in this first week of Round 3 of ROW80 I have embodied the three action verbs that I strive to represent throughout this challenge and beyond:

WRITING

READING

EDITING

I am WRITING 20 pages per day.

I am READING at least one book per week.

I am EDITING my first draft of Dear 302  to have it completed for my August 17th deadline.

So far, so good. And one of the rules in Fast Draft is absolutely no negativity allowed! Therefore, with my optimist's hat planted firmly on my head I have to say I think Round 3 of ROW80 and my first stab at Fast Draft is going to produce one fantastic Writing Woman of Action in me!

What was the last writing (or reading) challenge you participated in?

How did it turn out for you?

How do you keep yourself motivated and reward yourself when accomplishing your goals? 

Other Sunday Check-Ins in the ROW80 Writing Challenge

30+ "Urgent" Matters That Keep Me From My Writing

Do you know who I am? I am the maniac that likes to work under pressure. I am the one who rarely finishes anything early, not merely because I have procrastinated doing it, but because every other thing in life seemed exceedingly urgent.

Now, my definition of "urgent matters" and your definition of urgent matters may differ wildly. Here are some things that, depending on the circumstance, could be deemed as an urgent matter:

1. BBCAmerica is showing an episode of Doctor Who I have only seen once before.
2. I told myself I was going to write a particular post for my blog.
3. There is a conversation going on on Twitter that I believe I can contribute to.
4. There is a book next to me, in my bag or on my nightstand that I have not yet finished.
5. My dog is looking at me.
6. I haven't looked at my gecko in a little while.
7. I require chocolate.
8. I forgot to take my medicine.
9. Tonight is the opening night of some movie.
10. My brother is on the phone.
11. I've decided today is going to be mega-clean-up day.
12. I've decided today is going to be the day where I teach myself about some new social media tool I know next to nothing about.
13. The neighbors found a dog roaming around the neighborhood and I've decided I am going to "hang on to it" until we figure out who the psycho dog belongs to (that was last Friday).
14. I'm going to research how to find bachelor mockingbirds some girlfriends so they don't have to chirp all night long outside our bedroom.
15. I'm going to figure out how to actually use my slow cooker.
16. I'm going to put all of life on hold to go to a ginormous book expo and simply forget that I am no where near healthy enough to do such a thing!
17. BBCAmerica is showing an episode of Doctor Who I have seen many times before.
18. Oh... wait a second... BBC America is showing Battlestar Galactica after Doctor Who and this happens every weekday from 4pm through 6pm?! Reschedule dinner time, this is extremely  urgent!!
19. Facebook needs an update.
20. Facebook has 20+ messages waiting for me.
21. I must check my e-mail. 
22. I must read more blogs.
23. I must go back and read blogs that I started reading a long time ago.
24. I must figure out a better way to read blogs.
25. Very urgent! Check in on foursquare! Don't let that guy steal your one and only mayorship again!
26. Feed the dogs. 
27. Is it garbage day? If so, get everything out of the house!! If not, ignore everything and wait for garbage day.
28. I bet those weeds are growing back in the backyard... Get outside.
29. Qdoba opened up right up the block! MUST go try it!
30. Mother-in-law invites us for dinner. Never saying no to that!
31. I'm feeling pretty weak. I should probably do some more bicep curls with that large salsa jar.
32. Husband is lingering near the laundry... better get some of that done.
33. I must watch all the YouTube channels I am subscribed to, otherwise, why bother to subscribe?
34. I'll convert my china cabinet into a bookcase (sure Mom and Dad are both flipping in their graves over that one!).
35. I will engage the telemarketer, survey person, or whoever else randomly calls my house (particularly if they ask for one or both of my deceased parents) in a long winded conversation.
36. I will give my gecko a bath.
37. What I really need to do is write a really long list of all of the things that keep me from revising and editing my novel!

There are more, I am sure, but, for now, each of these things has kept me, in some way shape or form, from completing my novel. Since Camp NaNoWriMo and JuNoWriMo started at the beginning of this month, I told myself I would use this month to work on it, however, this has not happened. Every day, the "urgent matters" (and yes, some of them are actually pretty valid, like my health kicking my @$$) keep creeping up and stealing my time. Every night I go to bed asking myself Why didn't I write today? Then I got this tweet today:

@riverand How's the writing going?
— Susan Sipal (@HP4Writers) June 13, 2012

In the instant I read it, I thought, Oh no... I have no excuse! You see, Susan and I trade tweets maybe every month or so. I recall her asking me the same question last time we tweeted and I remember having big plans... As I started to write back, I stumbled upon my solution:

It's getting overwhelmed by blogging & reading.I'm going to have to give myself a deadlineRT @hp4writers: @riverand How's the writing going?
— Nicole Rivera (@riverand) June 13, 2012

A deadline. So simple, even if it is completely made up and has nothing behind it but my word. Because, as I said at the beginning of this post: I am the maniac that likes to work under pressure. Unfortunately, in this writing life, right now, there is no one to apply that pressure but me! Susan's response?

@riverand Without deadlines, I'd get nothing done - even if the deadline is an artificial one that I've set.
— Susan Sipal (@HP4Writers) June 13, 2012

So glad I'm not alone...

Image Source

The deadline is set. Are you ready? My obscure date is August 17, 2012. On that day I will be done with my revisions and editing. I think that means I'll be done with beta readers, too. I want to be able to jump into the rejection pool (query time) by this Fall. I have set up a countdown on my iGoogle homepage to remind me every time I open up my computer (adding that pressure!), it looks like this:

 

I have 65 days. Is it enough? I. have. no. idea. But this is the only way I am going to find out, right?

Here's what I need from you guys:

• Support, cheerleading, etc.
• A good butt kicking every now and again.
• A simple "@riverand How's the writing going? #deadline" tweet, to keep me accountable (or embarrassed!)
• Volunteer beta readers for a contemporary YA novel. I'm looking for more critique over grammar/spell check - if you think you might want in, let me know!

For now, I'll just have to protect myself...

see more Failbook

 

Realizing This is My Cocoon to Eat

It occurred to me this week that I am stuck. Just like a butterfly in a cocoon, I have made it through the beginning stages of my metamorphosis, then wrapped myself up really tight and secure for the final transformation and have been unable to budge since.

To become a butterfly, there are four stages of life. First there is an egg, then the larva (what I typically call the caterpillar), the chrysallis (the cocoon) and then, finally, there is a butterfly.

Writing can be looked at in the same four stage process. We begin with an idea, which, much like an egg, has the potential for life if protected and handled with care. Then there is the outpouring of the idea, which Anne Lamott calls "the shitty first draft" and which Marion Roach Smith calls "the vomit draft," whoever you talk to it's icky, sticky and not unlike a caterpillar; it eats everything in sight, it's alive, but only beautiful to those who have unique vision; it is unfinished. After the outpouring comes the hardest work of all - the true metamorphosis - the editing phase. At this point of writing it is often advised that you pack away your work, let it be for a while and then return to tear it asunder. I can't help but think of that caterpillar sleeping in that cocoon, hidden from the world and then eating his way out of the cocoon bit by bit just to see the light of day again.

But when he does, he is something beautiful, something majestic and he can fly. This is the same thing with my writing. It will fly once it gets out of its cocoon.

The only problem is it seems I was waiting for help. Have you ever read the story of the butterfly who received help with getting out of his cocoon? He never finished developing. He couldn't fly. It is heartbreaking.

So, for Round 2 of ROW 80, I have one simple goal: I must edit my novel. I must take the time necessary to transform it from caterpillar to butterfly. Will I be done by the end of this round? I have no idea, but if I am not don't you dare try to pull me out of this cocoon before I am done!


Click here to support the rest of the writers in Round 2 of ROW80.

ROW80 I Still Love You!

I promised myself I would not miss out on another check-in for the ROW80 challenge and now I have about twenty minutes to slap this together. So let me get to it already!

What Happened to Me?

 MY WRITING: My "writer's mind" was captivated for the last month by a fantastic online writing workshop. Ironically, during this involvement I did not do a lot of writing because there was a lot of reading and then I spent my writing time reacting in the discussion forum!

MY READING: I read a heck of a lot this last month, but I did not make a lot of headway in my Goodreads 2012 Challenge. HOW COULD THIS BE?! I know, I know... I hear you. Well, my reading for my workshop does not count as reading a book. Also, I did a lot of reading for my writing on the Word of the Nerd website, but they were mostly single issue comic books or trade paperbacks that are not in the Goodreads database, so they don't count.

MY COMMUNITY: One place I made some progress was in finding more fellow writers. Just this week I created a BigTent group for the writers from the writing workshop so we can continue to connect and support one another now that our course has ended.

What's Next?

PLANS & SCHEDULES: This week I started creating a timed schedule for myself each day. I have covered every minute of the day and have set aside time for writing and blogging, as well as the ridiculousness that is laundry and other household chores (laundry is my arch nemesis!). After three days of this I can not believe how productive I have been!

CHALLENGES? I received an e-mail yesterday from the NaNoWriMo people telling me that Script Frenzy is starting next month. I almost dismissed it, I have no desire to write a script, but then they mentioned the option of script writing for a graphic novel and my mind started whirling with possibility... I'm thinking about it. I have a month to see if I can come up with an idea worth attempting. So I'll keep you updated on that front.


Well, that's about it. Part of my new scheduling plan is that I wake up crazy early every day, so I need to wrap this up and get to bed!

I Dropped the Oars! [ROW80 CheckIn]

It was not intentional at all, but my entire challenge fell by the wayside since Sunday. In fact, to be perfectly honest, my whole life did. At this moment, I feel as though I may be able to pick up all the pieces when I wake up in the morning, but I know better than to speak definitively.

The adorable term for what I am is a Spoonie. As defined in the urban dictionary, a spoonie is

A person living with chronic illness, that identifies with Christine Miserandino's Spoon Theory.

Spoonies are people that live with chronic illness; theoretically measuring personal daily abilities much as one would measure the proper amount of spoons needed for an event or occasion... sometimes having an abundance, other times coming up short.

The reality of it is I have a chronic disease (two, actually). So... that gets in the way. Hence there has been zero progress for me, but there is a tale of frustration in the blog post I wrote earlier today called Doppleganger Days. 

For now that is all I can contribute. However, I have hopes that this week still has more to offer, so don't fret, you haven't heard the last of me yet!

Quickie Check-In #2 for ROW80 2/5

This might be the quickest check-in ever. It's SuperBowl Sunday, I'm a New Yorker, and the GIANTS are in the game!! Much needs to be done celebrated on this day...

With that said, I do have obligations to my ROW80 Challenge. On last Wednesday's check-in I reassessed my goals and rewrote a number of them. In the short span of time that has elapsed between then and now, some more rewriting needs to happen!

A Shift in Focus on "Spreading Out"
 
Since I have started ROW80 I have placed a large emphasis on writing for the Yahoo Contributor Network. This was part of my "Spreading Out" goals. Well, this past week I got a couple of offers to allow me to spread out without feeling like a hamster in a wheel. First off, I have been asked to do guest posts on a couple of blogs (one of them being from Chris at The Carpe Diem blog who shared his book love story with me) and secondly I have become one of the regular writers on The Word of the Nerd website, which I am very excited about. So, my Yahoo Contributor's Network is going to go on the back burner right now, which is where it was starting to feel like it belonged anyway (there is an insane amount of competition for visibility when you're a newbie like me, I have to work up my presence there slowly).

Reading Like I Have ADHD

I haven't finished any books since Wednesday (except for the preview issue of a comic book called Stick City I did a review for on Word of the Nerd), but I have started (I wish I was joking...) at least three more books on top of what I was already reading. My brain will implode shortly, but I'm riding this wave until Wednesday, at least. At which point I should have completed at least one of the books.


Three Hours of "Writing"


I forgot how much time editing takes. I was working on a short story piece for the Write On Edge prompt this week that flowed pretty quickly. I was happy with my work, but at word count time found that it was nearly 700 words. The prompt specifically said 400 words or LESS. I spent the entire day pairing it down. I made it, but my time set aside for writing on Friday was gobbled up by this process. So... does it count? I think so. Editing is a part of writing and I was working on a creative piece. Although it ended up on my blog, I don't really consider participation in the Write on Edge activities as "blog writing" in the strictest sense of the term. I participate in them regularly to hone my craft.

Those are my biggie thoughts about my ROW 80 challenge at this point in the week. Tomorrow begins my month long online writing workshop where I'll learn some of JK Rowling's greatest writing lessons from the expert in the matter, Susan Sipal. I can't wait!

Here's the list of the ROWers checking in this weekend - show your support!

ROW80 Wednesday Check-In 2/1

Today marks one week since I first learned about the ROW80, or A Round of Words in 80 Days Challenge. It's also time, believe it or not, for my second check-in! I decided on Sunday that I would do "Quickie" Check-Ins on the Sundays and give you a more specific picture of what is going on with my challenge on Wednesdays. So here we go...

These are my goals as I defined them last week, and what I have done to accomplish them so far:

Writing:

• Write three hours per day Mon-Fri. I am extremely happy to say that I have accomplished this so far. There is one issue I have with my accomplishment, however. When I wrote this goal, in my mind I had imagined this to mean three hours devoted to my creative writing only. This week I have spent some of that time writing for Rivera Runs Through It (not a bad thing!). I am trying to schedule some posts ahead since I have signed up for a writing workshop for this month (more about that later). NEW GOAL: Write three hours per day Mon-Fri in addition to writing for blog.
• Become an active member of a writing group. Most of the writing I have accomplished above has been during #wordmongering sessions on twitter with my online writing peeps ( Morgan, Tui, Julie, Chasing Joy, and Susan). This has been awesome and while I have been able to connect with each of them via Twitter, I would like to become a little more active and interact with each of their blogs in the coming weeks.NEW GOAL: Become more involved with my online writing group's multiple platforms.

Reading: 

• Read at least one hour per day I honestly don't know how I've done with this. I don't time myself when reading, so this was a silly way for me to write this goal. I know there are some days I definitely didn't reach an hour and other days where I exceeded it. On average, I think I definitely read at least one hour per day. However, this goal needs to be rewritten if I am to truly hold myself accountable. NEW GOAL: [This terrifies me...] Complete at least one book per week.
• Complete goodreads 2012 challenge of 52 books this year This goal and my new goal above are now in sync with each other. When I originally wrote my goals I had completed no books in the year 2012. As of this morning I have finished FOUR. I am well on my way to completing this challenge especially if I stick to the new goal above. NO NEW GOAL NEEDED.

Spreading Out/Getting Published:

• Start claiming and completing assignments from the Yahoo Contributor's Network of which I am a part. (Although I have yet to submit a single piece of work!!) I am most proud of making headway here. If you click the Yahoo link you will see my profile which now has two pieces of content published by me. They have not received a ton of traffic, but I still don't know how the Yahoo world works, so hopefully they will soon. I am particularly proud of my short story fairy tale called "The Peanut in the Woods" so if you get a chance I'd love to hear what you think of it! NEW GOAL: Continue claiming and completing assignments from the Yahoo! Contributor's Network
• Enter at least one writing contest per month. Unfortunately, I failed for January on this one. Although, technically, I am waiting to hear about two contests I entered earlier that had January deadlines - does that count? OK, no. Of course not. I put all focus on Yahoo! and forgot about this. GOAL MISSED: try again!
• Send at least one piece to a literary magazine per month. Oh dear... who wrote this goal? I don't remember this one at all. I blame Yahoo! for this one as well. OK, OK! I know what I need to do this week! GOAL MISSED: try again!

One goal I would like to add after watching this earlier today:


Well, it is co-inspired by that and the hike I went on with my dogs yesterday... the one where I came home and felt like sleeping for the next month straight because I was so exhausted (I still hurt).

NEW GOAL: Walk 10 miles per week.

This is a lot less than what I used to do, but I'm not sure my body is even up to that yet, so we shall see. If ten miles is a cake walk, I'll up it next week. And if it is, pathetically, still out of my reach, then I will adjust it where needed.

So, that's it for now. On Monday I will be starting a month-long online writing workshop that I am extremely excited about (you should check it out). I can't wait to learn a ton, and I'll be ready to readjust all my goals to fit around my education!

Here are the other brave souls on this journey with me, be sure to show your support! (I'm the 24th link!):

First Quickie Check-In for ROW80

On Thursday I announced my participation in the ROW80, the writing challenge that understands you have a life. In that post, as part one of the the challenge, I set goals for myself. The second part of the challenge is the accountability: The Check-Ins.

As part of ROW80, you must check in each Sunday and Wednesday to ensure you are keeping up with your goals.

Welcome to my first check-in!

For the sake of brevity (and saving your sanity) I will only list those goals which I moved forward in this week so far, as for the rest, I will do a thorough recap on Wednesday.

Writing 

 I had two writing-specific goals and I am pleased to say that I have made headway in both! First of all, I committed myself to  writing for at least three hours per day Monday through Friday. I have don this consistently since Wednesday, and, I am overjoyed to say that on Friday afternoon, one story seemed to beg to go on. I think I may be on the verge of starting my next novel (I still can't believe that!) thanks to this commitment.

The second writing-specific goal also sprung to life this week. I am an active part of an online writing group via Twitter. There are six of us that keep checking in with each other, meeting via #wordmongering word sprints and checking in with our ROW80! There's Morgan, Tui, Julie, Chasing Joy, Susan, and ME! It's been really great to have this virtual support and it is nice to share the joy of the writing experience with others (check out Tui's first check in to ROW80 - it surprised the heck out me today!)

Reading

As part of my reading goals, I was hoping to make a dent in my goodreads 2012 reading challenge. I set it up that I would read 52 books in 2012! Well, this week, I finished my first two books of 2012, so I'm finally on my way!

Spreading Out/Getting Published

Finally, I said that I would like to start contributing to the Yahoo Contributor's Network. I have been enrolled since August 2011, but have not made the leap to contribute any work yet. Since I set it as a goal on Thursday, I got right to working on that and submitted two pieces. So far, one has been published and the other is still being reviewed. You can check out my Yahoo Contributor profile to see my stuff (who knows maybe there will be more stuff by the time you get there).

The Rest of the ROWers

Here are the links of all of the others who have bravely checked in this week Looks like I'll be link #77). Check them out, cheer them and on, and, if you are so inclined, join the crew! I hope I've made you proud in the couple of days I've at this challenge!

And Then I Found ROW80

After a little more than a week of pumping myself up and day-dreaming about what goals I would like to set for myself (see how this story started) I happily stumbled upon ROW80 during Wednesday night's informal #commenthour twitter chat (follow #commenthour on Twitter for details, if you're a blogger, you need to join this party!). Since I am a sucker for hashtags and Twitter chats of all sorts, I asked what #ROW80 was all about. Tui Snider of Mental Mosaic sent me the link and said it seemed cool to her and she was planning to join in.

So I checked it out, and Tui was right. It is cool and I'm joining in. Right now, in fact, with this post.

OK, OK, for the uninitiated you are completely baffled and that isn't fair. Here's the description of ROW80, (which stands for A Round of Words in 80 Days, by the way) as they describe it:

What Is ROW80?

A Round of Words in 80 Days is the writing challenge that knows you have a life.

We are all different and we all have different demands on our time.  Why should we all have the same goal?  The simple answer is that we shouldn’t.  If you want to be a writer, then you have to be able to roll with the punches and adapt to your changing circumstances.  If that means changing your goals when your life blows up, so be it.  ROW80 is the challenge that champions the marriage of writing and real life. [from A Round of Words in 80 Days website]

I do want to be a better writer. My real life does tend to get n the way more than I'd like to admit, but all the same there's no reason why I shouldn't be able to work around that!

Let me cut to the chase and get to my goals already:

Writing:

• Write three hours per day Mon-Fri.
• Become an active member of a writing group.

Reading: 

• Read at least one hour per day
• Complete goodreads 2012 challenge of 52 books this year 

Spreading Out/Getting Published:

• Start claiming and completing assignments from the Yahoo Contributor's Network of which I am a part. (Although I have yet to submit a single piece of work!!)
• Enter at least one writing contest per month.
• Send at least one piece to a literary magazine per month.

Alright. That's it. It feels a bit terrifying to have that all written down there. Which is a pretty good sign they're the right ones. I have that fear of failure because these are the things I really want.

I'll be checking in here on Rivera Runs Through It, to link to Round of Words in 80 Days as part of my accountability, so you'll get to see how I'm doing. I hope to make you proud!!

What do you think? Are these goals do-able?

Have I set my sights too high?

...perhaps too low?

What goals have you set for yourself?

Setting Goals

My best friend and I have been talking a lot about goals and goal setting the last couple of weeks. She's been reading a book (I should ask the name) that has goal writing assignments in it. She's called me a couple of times about it saying she's struggling with the goal writing because the examples given seem largely unrealistic and Dawn, my friend, is nothing if not practical. She wanted to write out goals for herself that were definitely attainable so that she would not set herself up for failure.

It makes perfect sense, but what if you can always find the "what if" that could lead you to failure? Dawn felt stymied.

Get Out of the Way of Your Goals
 
I love goal setting. I have done it so often for myself, with teachers I've worked with and, of course, with my students, I understand how easy it is for us to get in the way of our own goals. In an attempt to seek perfection, we inevitably shut ourselves off from opportunities to grasp that which will truly make us happy. We must reach for the stars when we are setting our goals (particularly when we write them down) because if we don't express exactly what we really want out of life, then no one is going to figure it out for us.

As Dawn and I had a conversation about this particular point, I began to think about my current goals. In horror, it occurred to me that I had none. Not only were none written down, but, after one and a half years out of teaching, knowing I am not returning, I had no idea what I was reaching for next.

So it suddenly clicked. Nicole: it is decision time.

Luck Had NOTHING To Do With It
 
I often reflect upon my life thinking about how lucky I was to become a teacher right out of college, to teach the kids I wanted to teach, to get the courses I wanted to get, to be invited to the professional development opportunities I always dreamed of being a part of and garnering the respect in my field that a professional would warrant. However, I now realize that luck had little to do with it. These things were my goals. These were the things I wanted more than anything else and because I made that clear to myself first, then I fashioned my life (some case consciously, other cases subconsciously) in a way to make them more feasible.

Back to the Drawing Board
 
I am now in a place where the world is my oyster once again. Grant it, I have a rare brain disease, a digestive disorder and two broken eyes, but I do not concern myself with the limitations of my reality when creating my dream life. I, instead, like I was trained to do in all of my Mathematics courses, first assume that all variables are in their most stable state before venturing forth to write up the proof of my new life - because, who knows? Maybe those sticky matters won't factor into my dream plan. And I don't think thy will. Coming up on my three year anniversary of my diagnosis with Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertension means, for me, that IIH is no longer the ugly pimple everyone is staring at on my chin, it is now just a part of my face.

So I'm ready. And they say everything happens for a reason, right? I'm a strong believer in that one. Well, it was obviously important for Dawn and I to have those conversations about goal setting so I would realize how I had let mine go, but what I had not expected was that there would be a second stage to this path for me. Last night, while feverishly juggling two twitter chats I had been looking forward to all week (#commenthour and #writeonedge) I stumbled upon a group of writers that virtually get together to set goals and be accountable. Kismet? Oh yes, I think so!

And Then I Found ROW80 (click to continue...)