chained to these keys
staring into a screen swearing it is my fucking window to the world...
But I know someone else is driving my car,
out on the open road
with windows down, music blaring and winds blazing through his hairs.
What the hell happened?
That's my car. That's supposed to be me.
Running from the fury and enjoying the freedom of the outside.
This is abuse of the worst kind - it is self-mutilating.
I handed over the keys, I said, "Drive for me, please."
And, at the time, I meant it. At the time, I needed it.
But honestly I let this shit go on too long.
I want to fucking DRIVE.
Now we've had a fight and HE gets to flee?!
Oh NO... that is simply UNacceptable.
Stuck here with my limited vision,
my god-damned limited health
and with it I can't even express fury the way I used to.
Justice is lost...
I am limited even in my humanity.
Is there anything else that can be taken?
The tears flow hot and heavy.
I lost this battle, but it's not with him.
Now I know it was never with him.
I still hurt over my body's betrayal to this soul....
So much more to heal,
still battling with the fact that, "I can't drive,"
Go on... say it again, the dogs aren't listening,
"I CAN'T drive."
You know why, too, of course.
"...it isn't safe..."
But, Nicole, that doesn't mean you can't LIVE.
Now remember why you love him,
remember what the hell HE'S been through.
He's just about the last person on the planet you should be fighting with.
Let him drive,
he'll be home soon
and he'll be bringing back your car.
This post was written for the Red Riding Hood Prompt. This week's assignment was:
This week, we want fightin' words.I actually had half of this written raw, in the middle of a fight (as you can probably tell) with no intention to post it, but when I saw this prompt I thought it must be kismet.
Write a piece about a fight. What happened? Why? Who "won"? What were the repercussions?
I love the turmoil, the tension, the frustration.
ReplyDeleteI love the bridge between these two sections, "I still hurt over my body's betrayal to this soul....
So much more to heal," because it definitely drew me in, had me paying attention, wanting to know more.
amazing writing. i felt it as i was reading.
ReplyDelete-melissa
http://www.rockanddrool.com
you were very emotionally evocative in your writing, I agree with galit and melissa. lots of aching tension and frustration!
ReplyDeleteVery vivid imagery! You really painted a picture of your pain. Awesome.
ReplyDelete"This is abuse of the worst kind - it is self-mutilating"
ReplyDeleteThis line is so powerful. It paints the picture so vividly that you are aware of the role you play in the fight and how you are feeling but the anger and rage are so overwhelming. Love how you take us inside the fight.
One of the best uses of this week's prompt, without a doubt! Excellent. Compelling. Sad. And well-written.
ReplyDeleteNicely done!
i LOVED this piece! thank you for deciding to post. the surrender you depict is very vivid and heart wrenching. i love the symbolism etched throughout also, makes me read and reread. job well done!
ReplyDeleteThis is beautiful. I could feel your rage and frustration.
ReplyDeleteThank you all! I couldn't believe this week's prompt was about fighting. I had just written a part of this and was coming so close to deleting it forever since I dealt with it, got it out and had moved on. When I saw the prompt I thought, "This must be an important enough expression of mine that SOMEONE wants me to keep it."
ReplyDeleteHowever, what was even more important was that I revisited it, relived it and completed the thought. It was incomplete before, now the whole frustration is out.
I am pissed that I can't drive anymore after 16 years of doing so and I can't delete that frustration, so I shouldn't delete the post - it is what it is! :)
So powerful-I can feel the heat of the moment quality. I'm glad you didn't delete this.
ReplyDeleteThat was very powerful. Sometimes, some of the best things are the ones we almost delete, but don't. So glad you shared this one.
ReplyDeleteI can definitely the raw emotions here. I thought it was a bitter piece, but apparently, there's hope in the end.
ReplyDeleteThe bitterness is there for sure - that's why I wanted it gone! I recently heard a great saying about anger that I wish I could attribute and get verbatim, but it was something like this:
ReplyDeleteBeing angry is like drinking a bottle of poison and expecting someone else to get sick.
I don't like fights. I don't like anger. However, both happen and when they do they are i think they are bitter, raw and painful whether the fight is within, with another, or against "the world."
But there is always hope :)