C25K - The Riveras Are Really RUNNING Through It

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Now who in the hell came up with this hair-brained idea?!

Oh... wait a second... that might've been me.

It's a bit foggy, but it's coming back to me now... Hubby needs to lose weight (weight that the stress of me and my illness thrust upon him) and I need to work towards being, you know, healthy. Food is one thing, but man oh man, do we both need some exercise!

Early on in my blogging life, I came across one of my wonderful online challenges called Couch-to-5K which, according to its website is a "beginner's running schedule has helped thousands of new runners get off the couch and onto the roads, running 3 miles in just two months." When I first found it I thought, The couch? Well... that's EXACTLY where I've been! Maybe this was made for me!

I set myself up to start the program in the winter of 2010. Obviously, that did not work. Then, I thought that I would be ready last summer. Another epic fail. A couple of weeks ago I delicately presented the program to my husband, explaining to him that we both needed it, but more importantly, I needed him if I was ever going to feel confident enough to exert myself physically throughout the neighborhood.

We were supposed to start Monday.

Then Tuesday.

By Wednesday I decided to wait until his school year ended and, instead, to rededicate myself to the writing of my novel.

Plus it was raining, anyway.

So, of course, what happened? My husband walks in Wednesday night and says, "I'm ready to do the 5K thing now."

We've been married almost four years now, and we dated eleven years before that; I knew one thing for sure: if I didn't go with him Wednesday night, the deal would be off.

In short, here's what happened:

• horrible flashbacks to my first ever swim practice where I got in the water believing I knew how to swim and, after five minutes, knowing I had tons to learn.
• my playlist was so not ready for running; two years of headaches and relaxing changes what you listen to.
• halfway through I thought I would die.
• almost got hit by a car.
• almost tripped in the darkness about a thousand times.
• was attacked by a tree.
• my husband runs faster than me. 
• got confused by husband's shadow and swore he was running right at me.
• lost half a lung.
• my C25K app for my iPhone was awesome and I probably would have given up without it.
• we finished.

The rule is, you must have a day of rest in between, so the Riveras will be "running" again on Friday.

*Special note: The iPhone App I am using, from Zen Labs altered the original Couch-to-5k program slightly. Here is how they define C25K

What is C25K™ all about?

• You alternate between walking and running until you build strength.
• C25K™ is designed for people who are just taking up running
• C25K is an 8 week long plan.
• You workout 3 times a week, ideally with breaks between days.
• Each workout session is from 30-40 minutes long (including 5 minutes warm up and 5 minutes cool down)

Finally, as much as I am disappointed about my lost writing time due to my first workout in over two years, while on the "run" my mind remembered something I wrote on this blog just about 24 hours before:

In my dreams when I am healthy, strong and 100% back to me, I am a runner. I'll get back there.

I am constantly mystified by the power of the written word. I remember writing the first sentence, pausing and then, almost as if I had decided it in that moment, following it up with the second.

I will get back there... the first step has finally been taken!

Doppleganger Days

My doppleganger returned. I don't even know who she is, but she looks just like me, sounds just like me and she gets inside my head. However, she is the furthest from the "real me" than I can ever imagine.

She is sick. Not just with a cold or a stomach ache or something that can be worked around - she is bedridden. She is imprisoned by pain and her only journeys from the bed are to the bathroom.

She doesn't eat. She can not write or read or watch TV or even participate in normal conversations. Every time she arrives I am caught completely off guard.

I fight her, but she has allies within. She has somehow won my body over and I must lay in defeat as my system turns against itself. I wonder if she has never left and I only dreamed of moments of humanity, of personal connections, of health, of anything that could be perceived as progress. I wait and cry and pray that she'll leave, but have no idea how to show her the exit.

I hate her. But I can't. She is me. I am sick. I have two chronic diseases, one of them is a rare disease, and this is what life is like. Like everyone, I have good days and bad days. The only difference is that my good days are not as fantastic as a healthy person's and my bad days are so much more extreme.

My doppleganger threatens to stay for a while on this trip (this is day 3 where I find myself typing my story on the notepad in my iPhone while still laying in bed) and thoughts of hospitals have danced in my head since her arrival. But what will the professionals say? "It must be a flare up," or when I remind them of my rare condition, they'll all freeze, "Perhaps you should see your specialist."

Perhaps, if I could get out of bed I would see someone, but what can be done once a diagnosis has been made? "Yes, Nicole, you are sick. We actually told you that already. That's why you see us so frequently."

Alas, I will find my way back. I will find pseudo-healthy me again, I hope. I will be pain free for hours on end! I will be confident enough to take a shower while home alone! I will make dinner for my husband and feed the dogs! The world will stop spinning. The intestines will stop twisting. And my brain will become uncrushed.

But most of all, the doppleganger will leave my eyes alone. She can hurt me and torture me on these visits she makes, but if she dares to threaten my vision again a war will be waged at the conclusion of which I know only one of us shall remain standing.