My Overdue Thank You Note

It's day 2 of the Scintilla Project. Here are the prompt offered up: 

Day 2: Thursday, March 15, 2012

• Prompt A: When did you realise you were a grown up? What did this mean for you? Shock to the system? Mourning of halcyon younger days? Or the embracing of the knowledge that you can do all the cool stuff adults do: drink wine, go on parent-free vacations, eat chocolate without reprimand?
• Prompt B: No one does it alone. Write a letter to your rescuer or mentor (be it a person, book, film, record, anything). Share the way they lit up your path.

I went for Prompt B this time.

To the Song that Saved my Sanity,

I was 29 years old and there was a day when I lost myself completely... I stood in the shower and all I knew was that my hope was all gone. I just had to keep strong. For my mother, for my brother, for everyone... for me.

I was hysterical. I had hoped the water would mask the tracks of my tears and the sounds of my sobs. I prayed for something to grab onto, something to believe in. Then, above it all I heard you. My shower radio had been playing all along, but it hadn't truly sung to me until that moment. I never heard you before that moment.

You sang to me and you saved me. You told me to move along. You said that even when my hope was gone, and all that I needed was to keep strong that what I should do was move along. It was only two words, but it was as much as I could handle. I moved along.

I don't think I would have made it without that instruction. So, I thank you. I did not come out of the drama unscathed, but I came out. You rescued me from hopelessness, from my own despair. I was able to emerge from the shower and face my dying mother again. For the rest of the week I had her I moved along.

Thank you for finding me.

Forever Grateful,
Nicole

The Scintilla Project Begins... With Me

This post is my first step in my participation in the Scintilla Project which begins today. Each day, for the next two weeks there will be a prompt provided by the project which I will respond to here on Rivera Runs Through It.

Here's what I found at the Scintilla Project Prompt page today...

Day 1: Wednesday, March 14, 2012

• Prompt A: Who are you? Come out from behind that curtain and show yourself.

• Prompt B: Life is a series of firsts. Talk about one of your most important firsts. What did you learn? Was it something you incorporated into your life as a result?

I decided to go for Prompt A.

 Who am I?

I'm the one the entire neighborhood saw this morning on a quest for her beagle, Buffy.

I'm the one who, upon returning, needs a nap, a meal and her medicine.

I'm the one who is receiving text and facebook messages about how this day, Pi Day, always reminds people of me.

I'm the one who will always be reading and writing stories, no matter the topic.

I'm the one who is conflicted about her husband forgetting his homemade lunch at home again - for one, who knows what he ate instead, on the other hand, I don't have to go crazy developing another safe gluten-free, dairy-free lunch for myself to get through until I do the same for dinner.

I'm the one who dreams of living like the Doctor, traveling through space and time, forever on an adventure discovering new things, new people, new places; but instead, lives like Boo Radley, trapped in her home due to old, wearisome symptoms, conditions and fading finances.

I'm the one who reads children's books, anticipates the release of The Muppets on DVD and is surrounded by her husband's action figures, but has not found a path to bringing our own children into our life.

I'm the one who always earned and saved money from when I was a child selling goods out of a greeting cards catalog door to door in this exact neighborhood that I still dwell, who is now doing nothing but spending to survive watching every single penny of a lifetime of savings disappear into the vapor of nothingness.

I'm the one who fears she will lose the house she grew up in because she got sick.

And yet...

I'm the one who believes everything happens for a reason. And if I could believe that about the death of my father when I was twelve and of my mother when I was 29, then these little bumps in my road should just be added scenery, not the show-stopping events I am building them up to be in my mind.

I'm the one who has faith.

I am an optimist.

So, I guess, I should sum it up:

Who am I?

I'm a girl woman, who has been through a lot of crap (who hasn't). Who's going to make it through. I can't see how right now (probably because of my crummy eyesight), but that doesn't matter. I'm the one you'll read about someday. They'll be saying what an amazing success I am and someone, maybe not you, will think, Damn, she was so lucky! because, by then all of the stings, the burns and the pains of the present will be long scarred over and some may even be forgotten.

I am Nicole Rivera and, if you stick around long enough, you might just figure out how cool that can be.

Harry Potter & The Order of the Phoenix by J.K. Rowling

The following post is taken directly from my hand-printed Reader's Journal. I will be sharing these reflections each week on the Rivera Runs Through It blog. The date at the end of each post is the date of the original writing, which is typically the date I completed the book. The reflections are short, but represent my initial reactions to a book, a brief summary of the book or the questions it raised for me at the time. I hope you enjoy this segment in my blog and feel free to comment on what you read here.



Harry Potter & The Order of the Phoenix by J.K. Rowling

Lord Voldemort is back and, in this book, is stronger than ever. His supporters, the Death Eaters, have regrouped and, therefore, Dumbeldore's opposition group the Order of the Phoenix, must gather itself once again. New characters and magics are introduced and Ron, Hermione and Harry finally take their O.W.L.s. Harry begins dating and Ron becomes an athlete. The future of Hogwarts also is in danger as the Ministry of Magic takes a stronger hold.

Dated: 06/27/03

For many, I have heard that this is their favorite book in the series, what about you?

How do you feel this book stacked up against the film?

Thoughtful Thursday with The Dalai Lama

While on a trip to SanFrancisco with friends back in 2009, we stumbled into a pretty cool store where each one of us found a corner that distracted our imaginations and spoke to our capitalist desires (spend! spend! spend!). I was in the back by the t-shirt rack, of course. It was there that I found my most comfortable t-shirt.

And I mean that in a number of ways.

It is made of soft organic cotton, it is kelly green and, these days, it's a little over sized, so with this it fits the standard qualifications of comfort and coolness. However, what it says and what message I am honored to carry with me when I wear it is a comfort to my soul. On the back of the t-shirt is the poem The Paradox of Our Age from his Holiness, the 14th Dalai Lama.

If you are unfamiliar with this poem, then I would be honored to share it with you today as I will be sharing it with anyone who happens to read my shirt today. It is a poem about our world and each time I read it I reminded to be the change I want to see in the world.

THE PARADOX OF OUR AGE

We have bigger houses but smaller families;

more conveniences, but less time.

We have more degrees but less sense;

more knowledge but less judgment;

more experts, but more problems;

more medicines but less healthiness.

We’ve been all the way to the moon and back,

but have trouble in crossing the street to meet our new neighbor.

We built more computers to hold more copies than ever,

but have less real communication;

We have become long on quantity,

but short on quality.

These are times of fast foods but slow digestion;

Tall men but short characters;

Steep profits but shallow relationships.

It’s a time when there is much in the window 

but nothing in the room.

~HIS HOLINESS THE 14TH DALAI LAMA

This has been the paradox of our age, but I have faith that more and more people are recognizing it for what it is. I believe a new age is coming and I can't wait to be a part of it.

What do you think of this paradox? 

Do you think we are emerging from it or sinking deeper in?

YOU Can Change The World [KONY2012]

I wholehearted believe in the power of people.

I believe that I make a difference. I also believe that you do. We each do. The sum of our parts creates the world in which we live. So, for a long time I have been consciously changing the world.

Don't believe me? Here's a snippet from a post from my blog Searching for Sustenance on March 1st (March has become "Do Something" month for me ever since) of last year:

I am going to be honest with you today. I have a problem. I want to change the world. I don't know exactly when this idea first occurred to me (college? high school? earlier?), but I know that I very much felt that was exactly why I belonged in the classroom. I am not delusional, I am completely aware of my smallness in this world, however, I believe every single one of us is capable of changing the world no matter how small we are. As I watched Dirt: The Movie last week, I saw a great story about a hummingbird who had the same problem as me. 

I am doing the best I can... Can't really ask for more than that. 

The best that I can do now is shift audiences (put out of the classroom on medical leave) and use this time to still create ripples in my small pond.

I know we can make a difference. In fact, I know we are the only ones who can. However, like everyone else, every once in a awhile ordinary day to day life starts to distract this little hummingbird.

But last night, in the middle of the night while futzing around on twitter, I noticed a video going viral that truly showed hummingbird power. (It happened to be created by the same organization that a former student of mine asked me to support on Facebook earlier in the night, so I was especially curious.)

I need you to at least take a look at it. The world needs you to. If you have to come back to it to finish it, so be it, but know this: this video holds the secret to how we can change the world. Do not take this lightly.


KONY 2012 from INVISIBLE CHILDREN on Vimeo.

There are so many moving moments in this video, but one of the first that hooked me was,

 Who are you to end a war? I am here to tell you: Who are you not to.

 I want to end a war. I want to end all war. Part of my role on this planet is to do that. Yours too.

Let's make Joseph Kony famous. Let's put him in prison. And when we're done with him, we'll work with #2 on the list.

Sign the petition to be counted.