Today

Some days feel so ordinary when they begin. They carry no weight of their own based on schedule, date or expectation. Today, like another September 11th in my life, began that way. The only significance today held was in its expectation of tomorrow. So much so that all I wrote about on this blog was tomorrow.

Tomorrow is no longer the date that shall live in infamy in this family. Today is.

I was scheduled to have my final disability hearing tomorrow morning. This journey began in May 2011. I had my first hearing on February 12, 2013. A second was scheduled for July 19, 2013, then postponed on July 18th. Tomorrow was the rescheduled date.

At exactly 4:00pm I received a phone call from my lawyer's office telling me I was no longer required to go to the hearing. I thought it was postponed again.

I was wrong.

The judge made her decision. It was favorable. It is over. I have been approved.

I thank you all that have kept me in your prayers, that have sent your well wishes and that have continued to be understanding as I unendingly write about my personal dramas.  Today couldn't have happened without you.

Tomorrow

The facts are the facts: I do not deal with stress well. Tomorrow is my disability hearing and, as a result, I have been unable to partake in my daily routines this entire week.

There's nothing I can do to prepare for tomorrow's event and there is not much that I can even do tomorrow. I know that worrying does nothing to serve me, but I seem thoroughly unable to stop myself.

This is it.

And along with it a lot of other things will either fall into place or fall apart.

I will say honestly in this moment that I am terrified. I have been told that one way or another a decision must be made by the end of this month since I applied in May 2011. The terror comes from the fact that all of my medical records have been turned over and every single fact that can be proven about my conditions are in the hands of the judge, but I am still only 36 years (about to be 37) and that is extremely young to be stepping out of the workforce. I am still living in a world where people take advantage of the system and, therefore, cast doubt into the minds of those with my fate in their hands. I still have two conditions that leave no physical resonance for laymen to see and I have learned how to smile through the pain.

I don't know if my judge continues to debate over my case because she does not trust my intention, or if it is because she is wary of setting a precedence concerning my rare disease. I don't know what she needs to hear, see or understand in order to make her decision.

Here is what I do know:

• I know I love to work. I would not keep a blog if I did not. I love to be connected with other people and to have "assignments" that need to be done to the best of my ability to either serve or inform others.
• I know my body will not allow me to work. In the two years since I applied for disability support I, of course, have doubted whether or not I need this support. Every time the question arises, symptoms come raging back in to remind me of one fact: "Disability does not mean death." In other words, I should not feel guilty about the "good days" that I have - to be on disability doesn't mean that I should be living in a hospital. These are the facts: I am not well enough, consistently enough to be employable. (Those of you who have stuck around long enough here at Rivera Runs Through It can attest to my inconsistency - and that's with the ability to schedule posts ahead of time!)
• I know this doesn't have to be forever. Getting disability benefits does not mean that I have to give up on the prospect of getting better, of healing, of even someday being cured. This is not a life sentence. It is the help I need to heal myself. I can re-enter the workforce someday once I find the treatments (or cures) that ensure that the good days out number the bad. 
• I know that there are more people than I possibly even realize that are praying for me right now and I couldn't be more grateful.
• I know that whatever the decision ends up being, I will be okay... I will make sure of it. Even if I have to flip my life upside down.

Tomorrow, September 12, 2013 at 10:30 am, is my disability hearing. Tomorrow I will have to live in the misery where every second I have to remind myself how sick I am instead of focusing on the wonderful in-betweens that keep me smiling. Tomorrow, I pray, will be the end to this chapter. 

Audiobook Review - Fire With Fire by Jenny Han and Siobhan Vivian

Note: The book written about in the following blog post was given to me by the publisher (Simon  & Schuster Audio) in exchange for an honest review.

The first book I read from last year's BEA was Burn For Burn  by Jenny Han and Siobhan Vivian(my Burn for Burn book review). When I started, I had no idea I was committing myself to another YA series, but by book's end, I realized that the story was just beginning. Now that I have just finished the audiobook version of its sequel, Fire With Fire, I am blown away by all that was kept from me all this time!

Fire With Fire is a novel told from multiple POVs that continues the story these two authors started in Burn For Burn. While the first book felt like it was a group of girls looking for justice, I had the uncomfortable feeling all throughout book two that I was listening to the story of how "mean girls" are made. One thing is for sure, Han and Vivian know how to write catty girls and the boys who cluelessly socialize with them. About halfway through the book, I was getting a little disappointed that this might be all the book had to offer. That's about the point that I got smacked sideways.

If you read Burn For Burn, then you must pick up Fire With Fire just to see how out of hand things can really get. If you are thinking of just jumping in with Fire With Fire without reading Burn For Burn first, I will say this: it is not impossible, but at some point, this book is just going to make you want to read the first book, so why not just start there in the first place. In fact, the urge to do so is so strong that even I, who had alread read Burn for Burn, needed to grab that book off my shelf and reread!

The Audiobook

The audiobook has three narrators (Joy Osmanski, Madeleine Maby, and Rebekkah Ross) just like the written version, so it does a great job of immersing you in the various personalities you have to contend with throughout the tale. I don't know how old these narrators are, but they were all believable teenagers performing at just the right tone for each of the girls they spoke for.


My Review (in short)

For fans of high school girl drama and those who have read Burn For Burn, this is a must-read. Whether you go for the print-version or the audiobook, I'm sure you'll enjoy the teen drama and the great ending. Mid-way through this read I didn't think I'd be saying this, but now I'm waiting on pins and needles for book three!

Have you been reading the Burn For Burn series?

What are your feelings about reading about bullies and their victims? 

What about when victims fight back?

Back to Routines [What's Up Wednesday]

It's Wednesday and summer in the Rivera household is officially over. My husband went back to work yesterday, so we are reconstructing normal sleep cycles and I'm doing what I can to build a routine for myself. That's a little bit of What's up this Wednesday (thanks to Jamie Morrow for asking!), here's the rest:

What I'm Reading

I am having so much fun in the reading realm this week! The first book I am reading right now is Fangirl by Rainbow Rowel. I LOVE it. I am intentionally not rushing through it because I can already tell it is a book I will mourn over. I already don't want it to end and I haven't even reached page 100.

Who Owns the Future? by Jaron Lanier is an audiobook I just started yesterday while doing my around the house chores. This book is going to blow my mind. As a person who spends a good portion of her life online, I can just feel that this book is going to lead to a personal paradigm shift.

Thinking in Numbers by Daniel Tammet is the other audiobook that I started this weekend in celebration of school starting up. I was incredibly distracted while this one was playing, so I know I am going to have to go back and re-listen to what I heard so far because somewhere in there Mr. Tammet said that he looks at the connection(s) between fiction and mathematics - I can't think of anything cooler!

What I'm Writing

I started my Memory Project on Monday (The Memory Project Begins). I wrote down my first memory story inspired by Zeppoles. While I am happy with what I wrote, officially starting the project has planted some seeds of insecurity as I wrote about in today's Insecure Writer's Support Group post.

My writing goals for this week are:

•  to write at least one blog post every week day (which will require scheduling ahead to guard against my sick days that will, unfortunately, show), 
• to write at least one "memory" for the Memory Project before next Wednesday
• to submit something to my writing group (meeting this Saturday) for critique

What Inspires Me Right Now

The empty house.

It's just me and Champ (my dog) until about 4PM each day. Of course I have a ton of chores to do and next week is going to be my disability hearing (meaning that at some point soon I am going to melt down from the nerves), but in the in between there is quiet and one thing I have learned is that:

What Else I'm Up To

I am embracing a Japanese tradition. I am creating 1000 origami cranes. When I first heard about it, the legend was that the person who creates 1000 cranes gets cured of an illness, which sounded awesome to me. After researching it to begin, I found out that it is actually that the creator is granted a wish - not too bad either. As of this writing I am up to 70 cranes and I find the entire process very relaxing. I make cranes while watching movies. I make cranes while on hold during stressful phone calls. I make cranes all over the place. Here are some pictures of my cranes so far:

Rewriting Memories [IWSG]

Since taking a huge step forward on my Memory Project on Monday (The Memory Project Begins), I started to realize that one part of this project is going to be a lot easier than the other. The story I wrote on Monday was easy enough to write because it was my own vivid memory - the details and the dialogue lived within my mind for years. That part of the project, the part where I document my own memories of my father, will be the "easy" part. The other half (the part that I think I will have to rely upon so much more to finish my book for my brother), where I rewrite the memories of friends and family, will be so much more difficult.

Having rewritten one of my own memories on Monday I was reminded of the preciousness of our memories. How can I possibly rewrite someone else's memory with the same kind of passion that they will? When they read my recounting of their tales, will they see them as some bastardized version of their truth?  My path to capturing the memories has been through virtual interviews. I am doing this so I can have a copy of each interviewee's words. My memory has been pretty much terrible ever since I was diagnosed with IIH. Most people don't know how bad it is and I don't want to harass them with repeated calls asking them for the same details over and over again!


So I ask you, my dear Insecure Writer's Support Group (I missed you last month!), what techniques do you use when trying to write other people's stories? How do you interview non-writers in order to pull out their stories rather than just a listing of facts? What techniques do you use to write the story of someone who is long passed away?

Any tips would be greatly appreciated!

10 Books That Should Be Taught In Schools

Today my husband begins his tenth year as a high school English teacher. Three years ago I finished twelve years teaching in that same high school. It should come as no surprise then, that many of our conversations center themselves around what's going on in school, what should be going on in school and, after nearly every new read, there is a discussion about books that should be taught in schools. My poor husband has to deal with my pleas to bring new books to his department on a near weekly basis.

I am happy to say that sometimes it works! Many books I have recommended have made their way to the school's summer reading list (meaning I am not the only one recommending them), however, more need to be shared in a classroom. That being said, with the rolling out of the Core Curriculum this year, I fear many of these recommendations will begin to fall on deaf ears as there will be a shift toward more expository text. Even so, I won't give up! Here are my

10 Books That Should Be Taught In Schools

1. Little Brother by Cory Doctorow

I still can't believe I don't own this book for all of the love I have for it. I read this book a couple of years ago and instantly wished I was back in the classroom.  The educational potential of this book is unbounded. As I read I thought of so many ways I could have discussed the book in my Mathematics and Statistics classrooms. I thought of my colleagues that teach History and Political Science. Forget about the Computer classes! This book is built for debates, conversations and question ones beliefs. This book should be read in schools and discussed. Without question it is first on my list.  (my review)

2. Escape from Camp 14 by Blaine Harden

Throughout my entire reading of Escape from Camp 14 I was harassing my husband about its in-class potential. This is one book that it also Common Core friendly, as it retells the tale of a true survivor of the North Korean work camps. Books about the Holocaust and the concentration camps are always very popular in schools - and I am not necessarily suggesting that they are replaced - this book offers a modern-day equivalent of those horrors happening in our world today. Students need to be aware of what is going on in the world today as they begin to think about what kinds of lives they want to leave and what kind of impact they wish to make in our world. (my review)

3. Ready Player One by Ernest Cline

This is a choice that is purely for the fun of it. Teachers are always looking for high-interest readings. I can't think of a book that is more high-interest to the nerd-generation than this one. Of course, I think this might be a pipe-dream, because I don't know if it has broad enough appeal to engage the entire classroom.

4. Little White Duck by Na Liu

This is a graphic novel with some Core Curriculum appeal. It is a memoir of a little girl growing up in China. It is an incredibly quick read and I think it would be a great supplement to any teaaching about China's history, or alongside a novel with ties to Chinese culture.


5. Luz Sees the Light by Claudia Davila

This graphic novel might be more appropriate for middle school than the high school crowd I am typically thinking of, but its message is so important that I think it would serve us all really well if it could find its way into our classrooms. This is a book about a kid learning about the consequences of her purchases and making the shift into activism in a way that is appropriate for a child her age. (my review)


6. Last Survivors Series by Susan Beth Pfeffer

First of all, I discovered that there is now a FOURTH BOOK IN THIS SERIES while at the bookstore this weekend. I am so excited. This series is a fictional series where the moon gets knocked too close to Earth, therefore changing the weather patterns and entire environmental landscape of our planet. Each book is told from a different point of view. Why do I think this book should be taught in schools? Simple: it builds a huge appreciation for all of the conveniences we live with day in and day out. (my post on the first three survival stories)

7. Harry Potter's Bookshelf by John Granger

To be honest, I am not sure if this will have the same in school impact as it would have when I first read it. At that time, nearly every kid in the school building had read Harry Potter multiple times. This book dissects the story and show us, as the subtitle promises "the great books behind the Hogwarts adventures." I think reading this book could entice students who were major Potterheads to start to explore the classics that inspired it.

8. The Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz

It is four simple rules for peaceful living. It's a quick read. Everyone should read it, so why not just read it in school.

9. Animals Make Us Human by Temple Grandin

I love animals. They deserve our respect and our protection when necessary. In Temple Grandin's book we are shown how to read animal emotions to ensure that we provide them with the safe and engaging life. Pair that with the fact that Temple Grandin is one of the most fascinating people on the planet and I say that there is just so much to learn from this book!

10. Skinny by Donna Cooper

Body image is such an issue for teens. This book deals with it head on as our protagonist battles with her own internal voice that tears her to pieces on a daily basis. I think this book can be a very important one for many students. (my review)

This post is in response to this week's Top Ten Tuesday hosted by The Broke and The Bookish. If you want to participate, write your post on the 10 books you think should be taught in school and add the link to the list!

In the meantime, what do you think about my list? Should any of these books be kicked off my list? Is there a book you have seen me write about that you can't believe is not here (I forgot a bunch, I think)? Finally, what was your favorite book that you read in school?

My 1000 Cranes

According to Japanese legend, a person who makes 1000 origami cranes is granted a wish. In fact, when I first heard the legend it was that the creator would be cured of an illness.

I am a big believer in all types of things, particularly those types of things that can't hurt you if you try them. I have decided that I am going to make 1000 cranes in the hopes that the gods smile down upon their beauty and help me find my path to health.

Yesterday I found a book of almost 900 pages of origami paper to get me started. It wasn't easy for me to figure out to make a crane, but finally, the follwing YouTube video came in handy:



Last night I made my first 14 cranes.I have read that I need to create the thousand within one year's time. I don't see why I shouldn't be able to do this.

Have you heard of the Japanese legend of 1000 cranes?

If you were granted one wish for making 1000 origami cranes, what would you wish for?

The Memory Project Begins

For this week's Sunday writing prompt on StoryDam, Morgan asked us to write about memories in her post What Is Your Pomegranate?. Her timing was/is really impeccable. Now that my husband's Masters is complete and he'll be returning to work tomorrow, it is time I turn my attention to what I am calling my Memory Project.

What Is The Memory Project?

I have described it briefly in previous posts, but the Memory Project is a Christmas gift I am working on for my little brother. Our father passed away when we were both young (I was 12, he was 8). I found out years after his passing, when both my brother and I were adults, that he had little memory of our father. It broke my heart and felt terribly unfair. I have often wondered how to rectify the situation. This summer, just weeks before my brother's birthday, it came to me: I'll write him a book of memories.

I'll write my own. Interview and ask for help from friends and family and see what I come up with. Lord only knows what this whole thing will look like in the end, but I'm hoping it turns out to be something like a book gift for my brother.

The (tentative) Plan

My current approach is that I am going to write and gather stories up until the end of October. For the month of November I will bring it all together in book form, edit it with pictures, etc and then find a way to print it in December. Hopefully it will be ready to wrap by Christmas Eve! 

My First Memory

Today I took my first stab at capturing a memory of the three of us - me my brother and our father. It is inspired by the thought of zeppoles every time I see them, smell them or crave them. It is one of my favorite memories because it captures so much of who we were as a family. I wrote it up and posted it on a blog I created long ago, but have done literally nothing with called Rivera wRites Through It. I have decided that, until I am ready for publication, I am going to gather my memory project stories on that blog so I have somewhere to send my friends and family who are curious to track my progress. I'd love any feedback you can give me on this first post Memory Project - Zeppoles. 

Thank you!